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Not looking for serious work as she supports him with his dealing. The 1st time I met her I went to shake her hand, limp wristed thing didn't even make eye contact.

I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol.

It's that she's so bloody rude! He had a family before he got with her. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. But that's not an option anymore.

And, honestly, why should I when I have to stay in the car at her place. What can I do? I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance".

She's 52 years old! I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. Last night, my son invited his father and I to their wedding!

He's going to let her ruin his life. What could they have in common other that sex? She's four years older than me. She smokes like a chimney. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire.

His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. But they're in love and insist that age is just a number.

Fifteen years from now, she'll be on oxygen and in a wheel chair. He'll be 38, ten years younger than I am now.

And he'll be taking care of her. What kind of life is that? I have just read through some of your postings and it has brought tears to my eyes.

As much as it hurts, you are all not alone in your situations. My eldest son is a well educated child, good exam results, excellent uni then he started a relationship with a woman and it totally changed him.

He left home and married a woman much older than him, without telling any of his family, we only found out on Social Media.

He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family.

We helped him buy his first flat, his family all chipped in to help, he had a good job, then things changed again when he met a new girl, she has a child and is a few years older again like the last.

We went to visit him a few months ago, we emptied his flat which we are now having to rent out to cover the mortgage payments. We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him.

He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child.

His girlfriend couldn't choose between them. Our son was upset and was leaving her to return to his flat, he was waiting to be allowed back to collect his things.

He text and said he's ok don't worry. Her family were disgusted with her, they gave her money each month to subsidise her wages.

I phoned him, he said, he wasn't leaving her and she had chosen him. I suggested prosponing renting out his flat go back and see how things go.

He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.

He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him.

We sent him a cheque for his birthday and he has spent it on an engagement ring for her. We have enjoyed a good relationship for the past 18 months with our son, he has telephoned me everyday, visited his grandparents and us, now he's ignoring us all again.

He asked us a few weeks ago to apologise to his girlfriend as she heard our telephone conversation about our concerns that she was using him against her ex partner.

I messaged her and apologised twice and told her I was sorry and for the sake of my son please could we put all this misunderstanding behind us.

She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren.

She asked my husband for money, my son has said if she sees we are helping him out Financial she might eventually come round.

We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I do not want this to spoil his siblings Christmas and upset his elderly Grandparents.

His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. Hello, my situation is very hard and I truly feel like my son hates me at this point.

He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time.

We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. In the beginning sge was living by those two rules.

Then she became extremely hateful cussing my fiance and making threats to bust him in the mouth. Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up.

In turn that left us having to beat on the door asking her to please get up and leave. We had work of our own to do.

I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. Things continued to worsen. I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off.

Then things got even worse. She cussed me and called me horrible names. I told her the last time she disrespected me she was not welcome here any longer.

The things she said to me were unacceptable along with the nasty threatening text messages of how I ruined his life now and that I hoped I was happy.

She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word.

Now he is staying gone and won't have anything to do with me. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me.

She is very controlling and walks around like she is better than us or above us. All she talks about is herself.

Always bragging. I would say some of the things here but I don't want to offend anyone. She lied about being pregnant last year, she has cheated on him and he still chooses her.

She talks about her own mother like she is trash and she is not. She told me her daughter is a chronic liar and makes things up.

Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along.

Now I never see him or talk to him. When he does come by to grab closes he says hello mom and closea the door in my face. Then he showers and leaves.

Im struggling and I can't sleep well at night. She is into voo doo and casting spells. She claims to be a witch.

I almost feel as though she's brain washing him. How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him?

Am I in the wrong? I need advice very badly because I feel like Im loosing it. My heart feels broken into a million pieces. Thank you!

My goodness! I have been reading all the stories that you ladies have been posting. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house.

The woman that my son has fallen for is extremely, apologetically disrespectful as well. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the things that have transpired through those years I just saw that she was posting on his FB page different things that a gf normally would.

Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend who was very nice and we loved very much I could immediately tell from the type of pictures she had on her social media accounts and the tings that she would say that she was not someone I wanted for my son.

Up until then, my son and I could talk about any and everything and we would talk for hours. So I made the mistake of telling him what I thought of her and there it all began.

The first relationship she tore apart was he and his 1st girlfriend. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. Whenever I would tell my son anything, he then went back and told her about it.

Needless to say, it infuriated me!! Especially when my son's ex-gf came to me and told me how much she missed him and loved him.

I tried talking to him about it to woo him back to her. Well, he told her and the woman blasted my sweet friend and me on social media so that the world could see!!

Normally, I don't feel that I would be so hard on a girl but this woman has a lot of gall!! I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute!

She sleeps with multiple men at a time and has advertised her "services" on Backpage and Erotic Monkey. When we confronted my son with the info, he first pretended that he didn't know but through conversation we realized that he knew all along.

Now, my son has always been at the top of his class. He is smart. But he was not street smart before meeting this woman.

But I believe he condoned her prostitution. She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm apt room in an apt that 3 other young men shared.

So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out.

We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. But instead of staying near home with friends he had burned bridges because of her Although he denies it, I have read all through the text conversations they have had that proves it to be true and I have seen the ads of her soliciting sex with my own eyes.

It is heartbreaking. So I let him waddle in the mess he made for about 6 months - until one day I just decided that I didn't want him to suffer.

So I went to the city and found him. I got him home, cleaned him up she had dragged him down in just a few short months - he was dirty and stinky!

He had no place to live and had no car they had even sold the car he had from college I made him come back home and get himself together.

Ok, that was a year ago. Now the scary part - he now has a lucrative career, he joined a great fraternity, he has his own place, car and pursuing his master's degree - and she is STILL there!!

The scary part is - now that he is doing well and fully supporting her - it is gonna be 10 times harder to get rid of her.

How can I turn a blind eye to all that I know about this woman? I know this is probably the lesson in it all.

But it is gonna be a hard task to accomplish. This article is interesting and offers good advice.

However, I have traveled beyond the point of no return. My son met "Scarlet" this is not her real name about two and half years ago on line - Xbox.

After one year of playing on line with her and several guy friends, they decided to hook up. Unfortunately, that was the beginning of his down fall.

Scarlet has two children from two different baby father's that she abandoned because she wanted to be with my son. Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed.

Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close.

I have tried everything possible to promote my son and help me succeed professionally. He graduated debt free, gave him a car and paid for expenses that related to his career.

The first meeting was at a hotel because at the time my son was going through a series of tests for a career choice. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us.

I never forgot the first day Scarlet walked into the hotel room, she had earring coming of our her mouth, nose, and tattoos all over her back.

She had died her hair red my son love's red heads and she decided to do this. She looked nothing like the picture she had sent to his cell.

In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. I kept staring at her face and was turned off. To make matters worse, the car she arrived in was dirty and she made no effort to clean their hotel room up.

They talked all day, worked and slept with the cell phones connected. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her.

As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. I pointed out that she will get you to pay for both of her kids and any she has for you.

I made conditions for her moving in: she would get a part-time job and go back to school. She did not clean unless told I say told because she never offered and she did not cook she said no one taught her and so I tried.

Her cooking did not last. A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. Scarlet is all about junk food.

When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore.

They would argue and fight. I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy!

It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. After 2 months I could not take it any more and told her that she had to leave.

I returned the last month rent she paid that is how bad I wanted her out. My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her.

I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills.

I had spent a lot of money moving from state to start and paid the first year rent all by myself -he refused. Lesson learned!

Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids.

The second court notice this time with a mediator. Being a mother, I spoke up and told him to be careful with this.

Do not allow these children to move in because of the support factor and that her family has already made the statement that he would abuse the kids.

The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person.

When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. The cops that responded to her police call informed her that it was a civil matter.

Since she returned home with her younger child, she has been working my son who suddenly thinks raising one child is doable and the other child is not coming.

Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. Scarlet and I do not speak. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello I was raised right.

She pretends that she does not see me or ignores me. She has told my son that she wants nothing to do with me and I am fine with this.

However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman.

I decided to post this comment because I am proof that doing right by your child or a person does not mean that you will be okay. The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make.

The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life. Learn from the experience - that is what I am trying to do.

I am right there with you! But this article gave me too a different perspective. My son is blinded 21 and doesn't see the red flags all of our family members have seen in his life since he has met this girl and her parents.

He gave his horse back that he loved so much to the people he got it from because he wanted to spend his money on his girlfriend and her parents, he moved out of his apartment that he shared with his brothers that he USED to be real close with and moved in with her and her parents because he said THEY needed help financially, he bought them a 20, car after theirs broke down!

He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment.

My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. He sold the Camaro he had that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new car he purchased for his girlfriends parents.

He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,! She hasn't wanted to get to know our family from the beginning. She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas came There is so much more to this, but all I can tell you is that I think he has truly been brainwashed!

These people love him because he gives them everything they want. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance!

The same with the girlfriend! I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see.

It will drive him away like it did with us. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally.

The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him.

I will be praying for you! My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend!

Fast forward 4 years He has not shared this information with me yet only Dad supposedly knows. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms she has never been welcome in my home.

I am really struggling with how to handle this! I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family.

Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. I tried to open up to her about certain topics, which got a little emotional due to my time of the month and she completely ignored me and started doing something else and ignored the fact that I was crying for help and comfort in a time of need.

I don't know how she is feeling about me being in a serious relationship with her son, and I'm not going to confront her about the way she makes me feel, unwelcomed and sensing her jealousy.

What do I do?? To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. You kicked him out. But there is hope. However, in the future, do your very best not to direct your anger towards him or his girlfriend.

Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. Maybe write it in a letter or note.

It takes a humble soul--and love--to be able to offer an apology for any wrongdoings. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out.

You can tell him why you're upset but repeat that you love him and regret driving him out, that it was the biggest mistake of your life because he is the love of your life.

Tell him that it was just so upsetting to see your precious son headed towards problems in life that could be avoided.

You must re-establish a connection with your son and you can do it only through love and humility. Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore.

There is a Japanese proverb that goes, "Bend the tree while it is young. Be sure in your letter to tell him that there always, always, always will be an open door to your home and heart for him.

And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well.

To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through.

They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like.

They do not see many of their choices as being "bad" for them. They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama.

The highs, the lows. It's a hormone thing in many people. In otherwise healthy, mature people, the thrill of life comes from love, discovery, learning or adrenaline-inducing experiences.

For young kids who haven't found healthy activities that provide the thrill sports, academia, art, music, volunteering, positive social relationships , they subconsciously seek out experiences to feel the rush through emotional turmoil, drama, drinking, and drugs.

Hopefully, your son can get some counseling because he's overstepped into territory that is out of your area of expertise. I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother.

That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication.

Whatever you do, always, always be sure he can feel your love for him. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts.

In this way, you will show him that it isn't that you do not "like" the girl. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention.

He might insist that he "loves" her so do not challenge that. But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true. A year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center.

If she hasn't visited him, that is a clear sign--and should be to your son--about her loyalty. But those first loves are the hardest to get over.

Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. He will resent your trying to break them up so don't. Let the girl do her thing which probably will be to move on while he is detention.

Three months to a year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer. I apologize for not checking in to respond to these comments deaths in family and other medical issues.

Anyway, my heart goes out to each of you for what you are going through. This is a difficult and heartbreaking challenge.

While I still stand behind my suggestions in the article, there are times when you have to make a choice between risking a relationship with your son or having to standby helplessly to watch him suffer.

Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes.

I implore you all not to cut ties with your son for any reason. Always have an open door to your home and heart. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend?

For the one whose son is only 19 years old, this will be harder because he is testing out his newfound independence and manhood.

He will want to make his "own" decisions. However, I would remind him that he's not owning up to his adult responsibilities in having and providing for his woman without your help.

I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. Girlfriends come and go.

Even wives. If there is only one person he can trust in this world, it is his mother. And father. Because we only have his best interests at heart.

Only his. Where is this leading him? One must choose wisely, and there is an old adage to "go into marriage with both eyes open. Afterward, half shut.

It is not uncommon for both men and women to want to rescue someone. Everyone is worth rescuing. Everyone has value.

However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. She has to have the desire to fix herself.

Like attracts like, and he is becoming like her in her sad ways. If he really wanted to help her, he would pull her UP and not let her drag him down.

A wiser young man would let her go and revisit that relationship if and when she became a better version of herself. To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary.

They will become co-dependent. It's hard for him because it's his first love. Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents.

THAT calls to the little boy in him. The one who trusted you long ago and still will today. I wish you success in this. Feel free to email me anytime to discuss.

I can share our own experiences with our son he has been in several tough relationships. He ended them all to his advantage.

It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children.

Why does it feel bad? Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left.

It feels bad because the person has some good or redeeming qualities and there could be some good feelings and even love there.

No one likes to throw away love. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one.

It takes courage and strength to do the right thing by breaking up now. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend.

My son learned and is so much wiser and stronger for it. He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support.

Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking.

I thought this was bad enough! A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long.

Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well probably my son's influence. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught.

Then she began threatening suicide Not long after my son followed suit and began cutting, threatening suicide, and having violent outbreaks.

He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama.

Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit!

I can't support this relationship any more and he doesn't get it! This relationship isn't worth him killing himself over! This is all good advice however, what to you recommend if you see a son in turmoil due to a needy girlfriend.

Giving up his own personal hobbies and desires etc. We advised to keep one subject he is on top of, as he has always said if he took a gap year he will never go back to study!

You see he is rescuing her from anxiety depression and anorexia, due to his EQ. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him.

She is a sad mixed up little kid who turned 18 yesterday but has been living a life of an 18 year old for two years anyway.

Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till Now we just ask we know where he is since he lives with us still. We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study.

This again caused her to put new demands. We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post.

The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally.

Is there anything else we can do or are we taking the wrong approach? Also her parents love him, who wouldn't he is a great person, and are now starting to manipulate him too by giving him an allowance travel card.

We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking.

I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces.

I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. I think we are all to blame but I only get the blame.

It is too much to even write. Today I mad him leave with no where to go and cried after her left and watched him load that tiny car.

I felt two yrs ago there would be an issue with this girl and her family and it is so bad right now. Of course your son would protect his girl! Cus he loves her duhhh!!

Grow up. Susan, this sounds like less of a problem about the girlfriend and more with your adult son. He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills.

If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head. I always told my kids that if they wanted to "play house" with a lover than they needed to own up to all the responsibilities that comes with that privilege.

Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.

If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc.

Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. He should be open to common sense. My adult son's girlfriend never goes home she sits in his bedroom all day smoking while he's at work she's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself she pays no money towards bills.

My son is mixed up with a true bitch! She is trying to keep him from his family, I really hates her!

People tell that hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe how. I feel about it! My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men!

They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them.

Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave. I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school.

I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her.

He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog.

She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. I asked my son why she's too nice to our dog and he just told me, she likes dogs too!

Well actually, our dog was my son's gift from us. So, anyway I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke.

My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. Most of the time when he plays basketball, the girl will always be there cheering for him.

She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. Well, as a mother, I keep holding on to the trust that we have to each other.

I always tell him to be honest and don't lie to me if ever she likes someone else so I know whats going on with him. One day my husband came home from work and mentioned that he saw my son with the girl and his friends watching movie in the living room.

The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it.

I asked my son if there's something between him and the girl, but he said they're just friends. So I said, okay.. I trust you. When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?..

And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her the girl anyway! Then, that's when I started feeling bad I honestly didn't like the girl for him because she was really childish and I think they're too young yet.

I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! But One day, my niece she's my neighbor was staying home. She said she heard a girl laughing and when she look over the window, she saw them, my son and the girl helping my boy doing his laundry.

But the thing is, Only the two of them in the house! So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house..

I asked him 3 times and said no! He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! So I was already a bit upset and comfronted him I said u better be honest to me, and he was firm that he said no!

I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry.

My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! He only said the girl didn't come to the house because he got panicked when I asked him if the girl came and if he said yes that I'm gonna get mad.

So my question is, what should I do? I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son!

And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! I am crying because I was hurt of what he did!

He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed..

I don't want to talk to my son. I don't trust him with her anymore! Please help me what to do! All I want is for my son to finish college first before getting into a relationship.

I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son Please give me an advise. Thanks very much! How about when your son is abusive to his girlfriend treats her like crap hits her slaps her does horrible things to her and he blames her.

I think then the girlfriend deserves better than your son. Chances are he's going to keep being abusive to his girlfriends until he chooses to change.

I say then support the girlfriend don't put up with ugly behavior from your son towards women. Good for you, Bill. She sounds like an extremely insecure person who needs to self-protect.

Your son must be a person who sees the good in all people and who tries to fix them. It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her.

We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there.

He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult.

I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change.

It is a love he can truly count on while romantic love with the opposite sex is, well, fragile and easily broken.

Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship.

All great advice, Lori. I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. Well, they have been going together for four years.

At first we got along but then we discovered she steals things So things are a bit strained to say the least. But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open.

This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates. But you did give me a good idea about turning this subject into a blog!

Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. Thanks for stopping by! Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?

A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Bless you cecgggceekac.

Dear Concerned, I am sorry to hear of your grave situation. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild.

I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being.

You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. Say nothing critical or they will resent you. HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child.

He could be returned to his mother and if that is not possible, then perhaps you can gain custody or at least guardianship of him. Before you act on any of this, I suggest you speak with a family court representative or attorney to see what your rights, as a grandparent, are.

There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. First get him to put all his towels into the wash and how he is hung will be in his genes.

Just laugh off seeing him and let him know it did not bother you seeing him naked. Clown around with him so he does not feel uncomfortable about you seeing like that.

Treat it as a natural thing. Totally normal. You're the adult, and should set a good example. He'll feel uncomfortable but at least the situation will go away in no time.

Ladies Love Me :D. Answer Save. Favourite answer. Edit: Noticed this is a new account so not sure if this is genuine or not sorry.

Pink pandas. What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer. There's nothing wrong with his penis being bigger then his dad's.

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I never forgot the first day Scarlet walked into the hotel room, she had earring coming of our her mouth, nose, and tattoos all over her back.

She had died her hair red my son love's red heads and she decided to do this. She looked nothing like the picture she had sent to his cell.

In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. I kept staring at her face and was turned off. To make matters worse, the car she arrived in was dirty and she made no effort to clean their hotel room up.

They talked all day, worked and slept with the cell phones connected. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her.

As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. I pointed out that she will get you to pay for both of her kids and any she has for you.

I made conditions for her moving in: she would get a part-time job and go back to school. She did not clean unless told I say told because she never offered and she did not cook she said no one taught her and so I tried.

Her cooking did not last. A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. Scarlet is all about junk food.

When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore. They would argue and fight.

I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one.

After 2 months I could not take it any more and told her that she had to leave. I returned the last month rent she paid that is how bad I wanted her out.

My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills.

I had spent a lot of money moving from state to start and paid the first year rent all by myself -he refused. Lesson learned! Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids.

The second court notice this time with a mediator. Being a mother, I spoke up and told him to be careful with this. Do not allow these children to move in because of the support factor and that her family has already made the statement that he would abuse the kids.

The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person.

When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. The cops that responded to her police call informed her that it was a civil matter.

Since she returned home with her younger child, she has been working my son who suddenly thinks raising one child is doable and the other child is not coming.

Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. Scarlet and I do not speak. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello I was raised right.

She pretends that she does not see me or ignores me. She has told my son that she wants nothing to do with me and I am fine with this.

However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman.

I decided to post this comment because I am proof that doing right by your child or a person does not mean that you will be okay.

The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make.

The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life.

Learn from the experience - that is what I am trying to do. I am right there with you! But this article gave me too a different perspective.

My son is blinded 21 and doesn't see the red flags all of our family members have seen in his life since he has met this girl and her parents.

He gave his horse back that he loved so much to the people he got it from because he wanted to spend his money on his girlfriend and her parents, he moved out of his apartment that he shared with his brothers that he USED to be real close with and moved in with her and her parents because he said THEY needed help financially, he bought them a 20, car after theirs broke down!

He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment.

My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. He sold the Camaro he had that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new car he purchased for his girlfriends parents.

He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,! She hasn't wanted to get to know our family from the beginning.

She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas came There is so much more to this, but all I can tell you is that I think he has truly been brainwashed!

These people love him because he gives them everything they want. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance!

The same with the girlfriend! I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see.

It will drive him away like it did with us. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him.

I will be praying for you! My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend!

Fast forward 4 years He has not shared this information with me yet only Dad supposedly knows. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms she has never been welcome in my home.

I am really struggling with how to handle this! I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family.

Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. I tried to open up to her about certain topics, which got a little emotional due to my time of the month and she completely ignored me and started doing something else and ignored the fact that I was crying for help and comfort in a time of need.

I don't know how she is feeling about me being in a serious relationship with her son, and I'm not going to confront her about the way she makes me feel, unwelcomed and sensing her jealousy.

What do I do?? To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. You kicked him out. But there is hope. However, in the future, do your very best not to direct your anger towards him or his girlfriend.

Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son.

Maybe write it in a letter or note. It takes a humble soul--and love--to be able to offer an apology for any wrongdoings. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out.

You can tell him why you're upset but repeat that you love him and regret driving him out, that it was the biggest mistake of your life because he is the love of your life.

Tell him that it was just so upsetting to see your precious son headed towards problems in life that could be avoided. You must re-establish a connection with your son and you can do it only through love and humility.

Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore. There is a Japanese proverb that goes, "Bend the tree while it is young.

Be sure in your letter to tell him that there always, always, always will be an open door to your home and heart for him. And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well.

To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through.

They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like.

They do not see many of their choices as being "bad" for them. They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama.

The highs, the lows. It's a hormone thing in many people. In otherwise healthy, mature people, the thrill of life comes from love, discovery, learning or adrenaline-inducing experiences.

For young kids who haven't found healthy activities that provide the thrill sports, academia, art, music, volunteering, positive social relationships , they subconsciously seek out experiences to feel the rush through emotional turmoil, drama, drinking, and drugs.

Hopefully, your son can get some counseling because he's overstepped into territory that is out of your area of expertise. I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother.

That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication.

Whatever you do, always, always be sure he can feel your love for him. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts.

In this way, you will show him that it isn't that you do not "like" the girl. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention.

He might insist that he "loves" her so do not challenge that. But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true.

A year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center.

If she hasn't visited him, that is a clear sign--and should be to your son--about her loyalty. But those first loves are the hardest to get over.

Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. He will resent your trying to break them up so don't.

Let the girl do her thing which probably will be to move on while he is detention. Three months to a year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer.

I apologize for not checking in to respond to these comments deaths in family and other medical issues. Anyway, my heart goes out to each of you for what you are going through.

This is a difficult and heartbreaking challenge. While I still stand behind my suggestions in the article, there are times when you have to make a choice between risking a relationship with your son or having to standby helplessly to watch him suffer.

Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes.

I implore you all not to cut ties with your son for any reason. Always have an open door to your home and heart.

This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend?

For the one whose son is only 19 years old, this will be harder because he is testing out his newfound independence and manhood.

He will want to make his "own" decisions. However, I would remind him that he's not owning up to his adult responsibilities in having and providing for his woman without your help.

I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. Girlfriends come and go.

Even wives. If there is only one person he can trust in this world, it is his mother. And father. Because we only have his best interests at heart.

Only his. Where is this leading him? One must choose wisely, and there is an old adage to "go into marriage with both eyes open.

Afterward, half shut. It is not uncommon for both men and women to want to rescue someone. Everyone is worth rescuing. Everyone has value.

However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. She has to have the desire to fix herself.

Like attracts like, and he is becoming like her in her sad ways. If he really wanted to help her, he would pull her UP and not let her drag him down.

A wiser young man would let her go and revisit that relationship if and when she became a better version of herself. To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary.

They will become co-dependent. It's hard for him because it's his first love. Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents.

THAT calls to the little boy in him. The one who trusted you long ago and still will today. I wish you success in this.

Feel free to email me anytime to discuss. I can share our own experiences with our son he has been in several tough relationships. He ended them all to his advantage.

It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children.

Why does it feel bad? Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left. It feels bad because the person has some good or redeeming qualities and there could be some good feelings and even love there.

No one likes to throw away love. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one.

It takes courage and strength to do the right thing by breaking up now. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend. My son learned and is so much wiser and stronger for it.

He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support.

Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking.

I thought this was bad enough! A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long.

Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well probably my son's influence. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught.

Then she began threatening suicide Not long after my son followed suit and began cutting, threatening suicide, and having violent outbreaks.

He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama.

Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit! I can't support this relationship any more and he doesn't get it!

This relationship isn't worth him killing himself over! This is all good advice however, what to you recommend if you see a son in turmoil due to a needy girlfriend.

Giving up his own personal hobbies and desires etc. We advised to keep one subject he is on top of, as he has always said if he took a gap year he will never go back to study!

You see he is rescuing her from anxiety depression and anorexia, due to his EQ. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him.

She is a sad mixed up little kid who turned 18 yesterday but has been living a life of an 18 year old for two years anyway.

Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till Now we just ask we know where he is since he lives with us still.

We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study. This again caused her to put new demands.

We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move.

The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally.

Is there anything else we can do or are we taking the wrong approach? Also her parents love him, who wouldn't he is a great person, and are now starting to manipulate him too by giving him an allowance travel card.

We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking.

I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces.

I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. I think we are all to blame but I only get the blame.

It is too much to even write. Today I mad him leave with no where to go and cried after her left and watched him load that tiny car. I felt two yrs ago there would be an issue with this girl and her family and it is so bad right now.

Of course your son would protect his girl! Cus he loves her duhhh!! Grow up. Susan, this sounds like less of a problem about the girlfriend and more with your adult son.

He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head.

I always told my kids that if they wanted to "play house" with a lover than they needed to own up to all the responsibilities that comes with that privilege.

Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.

If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc.

Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. He should be open to common sense. My adult son's girlfriend never goes home she sits in his bedroom all day smoking while he's at work she's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself she pays no money towards bills.

My son is mixed up with a true bitch! She is trying to keep him from his family, I really hates her!

People tell that hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe how. I feel about it! My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men!

They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them. Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave.

I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her.

He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog.

She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. I asked my son why she's too nice to our dog and he just told me, she likes dogs too!

Well actually, our dog was my son's gift from us. So, anyway I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke.

My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. Most of the time when he plays basketball, the girl will always be there cheering for him.

She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. Well, as a mother, I keep holding on to the trust that we have to each other.

I always tell him to be honest and don't lie to me if ever she likes someone else so I know whats going on with him. One day my husband came home from work and mentioned that he saw my son with the girl and his friends watching movie in the living room.

The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it.

I asked my son if there's something between him and the girl, but he said they're just friends. So I said, okay..

I trust you. When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?.. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her the girl anyway!

Then, that's when I started feeling bad I honestly didn't like the girl for him because she was really childish and I think they're too young yet.

I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! But One day, my niece she's my neighbor was staying home.

She said she heard a girl laughing and when she look over the window, she saw them, my son and the girl helping my boy doing his laundry.

But the thing is, Only the two of them in the house! So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house..

I asked him 3 times and said no! He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! So I was already a bit upset and comfronted him I said u better be honest to me, and he was firm that he said no!

I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry.

My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! He only said the girl didn't come to the house because he got panicked when I asked him if the girl came and if he said yes that I'm gonna get mad.

So my question is, what should I do? I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son!

And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! I am crying because I was hurt of what he did!

He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed..

I don't want to talk to my son. I don't trust him with her anymore! Please help me what to do! All I want is for my son to finish college first before getting into a relationship.

I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son Please give me an advise. Thanks very much! How about when your son is abusive to his girlfriend treats her like crap hits her slaps her does horrible things to her and he blames her.

I think then the girlfriend deserves better than your son. Chances are he's going to keep being abusive to his girlfriends until he chooses to change.

I say then support the girlfriend don't put up with ugly behavior from your son towards women. Good for you, Bill. She sounds like an extremely insecure person who needs to self-protect.

Your son must be a person who sees the good in all people and who tries to fix them. It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her.

We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there.

He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult.

I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change.

It is a love he can truly count on while romantic love with the opposite sex is, well, fragile and easily broken. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that.

My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship. All great advice, Lori.

I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. Well, they have been going together for four years. At first we got along but then we discovered she steals things So things are a bit strained to say the least.

But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open. This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates.

But you did give me a good idea about turning this subject into a blog! Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good.

Thanks for stopping by! Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out.

Please let me know where you got your design. Bless you cecgggceekac. Dear Concerned, I am sorry to hear of your grave situation.

Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son.

He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. Say nothing critical or they will resent you.

HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child.

He could be returned to his mother and if that is not possible, then perhaps you can gain custody or at least guardianship of him.

Before you act on any of this, I suggest you speak with a family court representative or attorney to see what your rights, as a grandparent, are.

There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. It honestly sounds as if neither your son or his girlfriend are fit parents.

Please seek legal counsel. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. Please do something for your grandson's safety and well-being.

My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. During this time he started dating a woman he met online from another state who was pregnant with another man's child.

Based on information shared with me she was still residing with the other man. My son started dating her while she was still pregnant. Her baby was born Dec My son has a three year toddler who is in speech therapy because of delays in his development resulting from his neglectful mother.

What concerns me is that this new woman and son moved near me without her resolving her financial situation in the other state and that this new woman claims that my son would have her hide in the closet when my ex-spouse and his step mom would visit him.

During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child.

They moved near me with her baby was about 3 months of age. The woman has been on unemployment since sometime in the early days of her pregnancy and has allowed the property she owns jointly with her childs father to foreclose.

She is always asking my son to ask me to help them and her financially. My ex-husband and I have both assisted my son during the custody battle with financial matters.

Now this woman is expecting us to resolve her issues. My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly.

We have tried to talk with our son about what we felt in the beginning was just typical new mom depression or her being overwhelmed.

The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. She won't bath him or put him in clean clothing and seems to be extremely harsh with him.

During this time I have tried to be as kind and helpful to my son and his new girlfriend. I have not said anything critical of her until a few days ago which was after his telling me that she was now claiming all the new clothing purchased for her baby who is now 9 months old.

Everything she puts my grandson is has stains on and is usually filthy. She is constantly saying she and her baby are sick, so my son brought some things to me to laundry since he was working extended hours after finding that he himself didn't have clothing and that is when I discovered all the toddler and infant clothing covered with mold and mildew.

I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. I bought borax and washed all the clothing in it and even did a second wash with a vinegar rinse before taking all the clothing and hanging in the sun to dry.

What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. He told her and then called me later to tell me that she was highly offended and never wanted me to do their laundry again and that all of that clothing belonged to her son.

The thing was I had purchased most of those outfits for my grandson who is three and was starting headstart within that month, so I knew they weren't her childs.

When I bought my grandson those items I also purchased clothing in 12 month size at her request for her son.

I was extremely hurt and said so to my son. Anyway, at this time she is refusing to let me see my grandson.

My ex is coming down to try to talk with my son, but I fear she may do the same thing to him. I am going to tell you for the 6 months I have known her I have never said anything negative to her are about her.

My father passed away the day before Mother's day. It was sudden. So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled.

I have been helping my mom during this time. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day.

My mom, myself, my family, we didn't celebrate Mom's day this year. We didn't feel like celebrating. I feel I have some real concerns here.

My son is an adult. My greatest concern is for my grandson. I did go to the grandparent day breakfast at his headstart program and his hair was so stiff from not being washed and his clothing was filthy.

He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father.

My heart just breaks. What would you suggest at this point? I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing.

Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best?

VPEtalent is seeking concerned and dynamic parents who think their teen or 20something is dating the wrong person for a new docu-reality show for MTV's international channels.

Contact amy. For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow.

And her son came running home:. Don't make a big deal about their engagement. She's How long do these things last? The fact that they began to date when she was only 15 shows me that he might like playing the older, wiser man.

He feels protective. He gets esteem from that. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. Instead, I would open dialogue gently.

Say, "We want to like her. Tell us what you love about her. Is there anything you want to tell us? How would you feel if your own son's girlfriend called you names?

We will love you always. But you'll be the one who has to live with your choice for the rest of your life.

She's young and she'll go through a lot of changes just within the next few years alone. Why rush? I understand your concerns. Your son is underage as is his girlfriend who is having a clearly negative influence on him.

We need to question why this girl attracts him. She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level.

We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. Sometimes, a seemingly "nice" kid will be attracted to a "bad" girl because she represents the side of him that he wishes he could express.

The rebel. Maybe she is a way for him to stand up to his parents even if in a subconscious way. Why else would a decent young man tolerate a girl who mistreats or disrespects his parents whom he loves?

He doesn't recognize it but he is being passive-aggressive. Do you think that you might have over-controlled your son?

He might like that his girlfriend gets you riled up. Meanwhile--or otherwise--he could be attracted to her because she represents a totally different lifestyle than he has known.

For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating.

Sad thing is, he doesn't realize that he is hurting himself more than anyone else with this hopefully short-lived experimentation.

Here is my advice: For the time being, don't fight against this girl or this relationship. No, do not encourage it either. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life.

Your life, your choice. I'll love you no matter what. He doesn't have to meet your approval or work against it.

Whatever you do, don't meet this girl's bad behavior with more bad behavior. No bad-mouthing, no cursing, no anger. Just emotionless responses or civil remarks.

This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. If there is friction, it is caused by her. But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over.

If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place.

Same for the drugs and drinking as they are underage and you could be in big trouble for allowing it in your house.

Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. Be loving towards him. Civil towards her. I told my son that I would love him forever and when he chose a bride, I'd back him up no matter what road he decided to walk but to be sure about his choice and to know if a girl truly loves him and will make him happy and be a great mother to his children.

This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. Offer him counseling Tell him that you want him to be sure about this decision.

As a mother, you're concerned about your son getting involved in a committed relationship at such a young age, and that is completely understandable.

However, when viewed through your son's eyes, you're disapproving of his relationship with the girl he loves.

That is all he sees. Your disapproval. And that will drive them both away. She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her.

He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. She reached out to you to get to know you better and was met with suspicion and accusations.

Your reasons are sound and valid from a parent's perspective, but in all honesty, you have to remember that he has a life of his own.

It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. At 18, he has the right to live as he chooses.

You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. He may make mistakes. That is part of life and learning.

But he might have found his life mate at an early age. Some lucky people do. What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth.

He might not missing out on anything at all. Look, if you push this matter, you'll only push him deeper into her arms. If they are meant to be together, there is nothing you can do about it.

If they aren't, let time run its course. You know relationships have bumps in the road. Right now, you are being the major bump.

Do not be that bump! Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. Her parents welcome your son because she is an only child and it is like gaining a second child, a son they never had.

And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. But if your son continues to hang out with their daughter, come and go as he pleases without responsibilities, believe me, her parents will change their attitude towards him sooner or later.

She and he will hear about it, and then the honeymoon is over. My advice to you is to be non-confrontational about his relationship.

When you can talk with him, let him know that you love him and do not mean to sound as though you disapprove of his relationship.

It's just that you want him to enjoy his young years before settling down. That is all. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually.

Let him know that as his mother, you will always love him and support him in finding his happiness. If this girl is important to him than she is important to you, too.

And you and your husband will always be there for him no matter what. From then on, be kind and open-hearted towards her and her parents. His penis was bigger than my husbands!!

My husbands is 7 somethin and my sons looked about 8. Is this normal? You have to try to understand how awkward it is. And it's not really that big of a deal.

And there's really nothing to talk about. You said he's 16? Trust me, he knows what to do with it and how it works. Kids talk, and use google.

First get him to put all his towels into the wash and how he is hung will be in his genes. Just laugh off seeing him and let him know it did not bother you seeing him naked.

Clown around with him so he does not feel uncomfortable about you seeing like that. Treat it as a natural thing.

Totally normal. You're the adult, and should set a good example.

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